Marriage by the book- According to Karl Pillemer

Trouble in paradise

A great person once said, “True loves conquers all”. Love can be a wonderful thing, but in this day and age, the notion of a “perfect” relationship is severely non-existent. We believe in the aforementioned quote, true love can conquer all if you are willing to put in the effort and time to stabilize your relationship. Let’s take a look at some of the common issues that occur in a marriage and what you can do to solve them.

Based on a variety of online statistics about marriages, the most common problem that seems to arise are the conflicting differences between spouses. Every person is brought up a different way due to cultural guidelines coinciding with lifestyle choices, making one of the main causes of a marriage to fall apart the incapability of the couple to handle their differences. While internal conflict between spouses is a leading cause of demise, another factor that heavily contributes to problems faced in marriage is outside influence through disapproving family members and/or strained relationship with spouse’s family.

According to internationally known and renowned gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer, the remedy to these problems first begins with oneself. If you’re marrying someone who is quite clearly different from you and you still want to keep your beliefs intact, then it is wise to be one hundred percent sure of yourself. In his illustrious book, “30 Lessons for Loving”, he begins by stating his most crucial advice: “Be extremely careful about who you want to marry. The most important thing is to pick someone who is a good candidate for marriage”. A few major points picked up from his book that I will mention below include remedies to problems you may have or already encountered in your marriage:

  • When looking at a future spouse, search for conventional long-term goals and views on things such as religion, family values, etc. This ties into the problem of mixed beliefs. Pillemer explains that if conflicting thoughts arise from the beginning, it is already considered a problem no matter how trivial the topic may be.
  • When getting into a relationship you wish to be long-term with a person with different ideals than you, he suggests setting up a time of day where both parties can have a very unambiguous discussion on values. In his own words, “Compatibility of value system is the thing that I think is really important. This is one of the mistakes people make when getting married. They need to make sure that they understand the values and expectations of the person they are contemplating marrying.”
  • Questions you should ask yourself before committing are: how important faith/religion is to you, what religion should the children be raised and are there possible oppositions from family members who disapprove of marrying outside of religion? According to experts, a good way to discuss this in an easier manner would be to write down and compare values most important to you which will eventually lead to a discussion.
  • As far as family goes, Pillemer admits that experts agree, “You don’t just marry a person; you marry his or her family”. It is because of this that he advises an individual to take into consideration their partner’s family before committing to marriage. Family matters can be a tricky issue and Pillemar explains that if issues with the family persist or are extremely difficult, then it is best to end the relationship. According to the book, studies have shown that couples that correlate well with their spouse’s family achieve a greater and longer lasting relationship.

We hope these solutions assist you in your future matrimony and whatever you decide to do in your respected marriage, World Bride Magazine wishes you the best.

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Faihaa Khan

Hello all I am Faihaa Khan, a student at St. John’s University on route to getting my bachelor of arts degree in English. Growing up in New York I’ve always had an interest in fashion and being raised by a father who used to write science fiction novels, I also had an interest in writing. Put the two together and that pretty much sums up my life in a nutshell in both a professional and personal setting.

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