The room fills with awww’s for the couple who announces anniversary celebration 10+ years. It is quickly followed up by the same question from an eager optimist in the crowd, “what advice can you give…” just looking for the universal formula that helped them go the distance. Always the answer is the same, “it was not easy, we knew that we would stay together through the hard times.”
Excitement fills the heart in the beginning because the mind is only working with what could be. Watching the couple celebrate the anniversary is the harvest the fruit from putting in the hard work. However, the middle of the journey, the part that is so rarely seen is where work takes place. Disagreements behind closed doors sometimes spilling out in hotel elevators for the world to speculate. Slammed doors, weeks of silence, taking the scenic route home, sexless in the city vibes all happening in private. It is in the middle that marriage vows are solidified.
Playing the long game of marriage takes the approach of selflessness over selfishness. There is much more to gain in giving than receiving. If each person within the marriage is thinking of the other than no person is left uncared for. This does not mean neglect of self rules the roost. Read A Healthier Me For A Better Us, article for tips on self care that foster a healthier image. Instead let’s cast a new version of what selflessness can be. Thinking of the needs or wants of the other become currency. Acting as an investment for a greater return on the back end. For the parts that go in sickness and health, when times get tough, til death do us part.
Having a real idea of marriage not just ceremony and anniversary days is crucial for going the distance. The parts that few are able to share in the undisclosed moments becoming the glue that binds. We would love to hear your marriage treats when we share our community grows.